FIRST BLOG TRIVIA CONTEST

Dear loyal blog followers:

In honor of the New Year (2009, here’s looking at you, sweet thang), I’m running a trivia contest, now through Sunday at 5pm Eastern time. It’s easy, you take the trivia quiz, send me your responses to Jessica.A.Martin@gmail.com and the top two scorers will receive prizes from Hawaii and a third person may receive a special prize, though I won’t be detailing the criteria for that one…other than it will be hilarious. They all will be.

Okay, so no cheating, it’s more fun not to use wikipedia for everything like we did our first year of law school. Besides you can’t, some of these answers can’t be found in wiki. So there.

Format: 15 multiple choice with two short answer/essay type questions and a bonus. There are some picture clues that should aid you in your quest for glory…










Multiple Choice Questions about Hawaii:

1. The B-52 Bomber is:

A. a shot of Kava, a native root
B. an unnecessarily large cockroach
C. a hamburger meal at the Pearl Harbor diner
D. the unknown culprit in my office that stinks up the bathroom

2. In order to combat a supposed rat problem, the Hawaiian government released what non-indigenous predator into the fragile ecosystem:

A. the komodo dragon
B. the milk snake
C. president-elect Barack Obama (no problem he can’t solve!)
D. the mongoose

(SEE PICTURE: WHAT IS THIS BRAZILLIAN CARDINAL HIDING FROM?):

(As a side note, this predator did not solve the problem and instead devoured the local bird population at an alarming rate).

3. Which of these is not a delicious island delicacy?

A. Locomoco
B. Puka Dog
C. Mahu
D. Malasada

(SEE PICTURE: DELICIOUS, HALF-EATEN TREAT, BUT WHAT IS IT?)


4. If you are caught jay-walking in Waikiki, a bike cop in neon green will:

A. issue you a look of consternation and ask you to return to where you were before the light changed and try again
B. issue you a 50 dollar ticket
C. issue you a 100 dollar ticket
D. look the other way, he’s on a bike and wearing a regrettable, unnatural color t-shirt, he has no authority whatsoever.

5. Which beloved Boston Red Sox ran in the Honolulu Marathon in December?
A. Daisuke Matsuzaka
B. Manny Ramirez (I didn’t say “ex” and I did say “beloved”)
C. Hideki Okajima
D. Jacoby Ellsbury

6. Which of these films does not feature a scene in beautiful Hawaii:

A. Into the Blue
B. Pearl Harbor (go ahead, I dare you to choose this one)
C. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
D. Snakes on a Plane
(SEE PICTURE: LOOKS LIKE A SANDY BEACH, BUT IS IT HAWAII?)

7. A lava flow is a local shot consisting of:

A. 2 parts muddled tourists, 1 part snark. Garnish with smirk.
B. light rum, pineapple juice, cream of coconut, banana, strawberry puree
C. coconut rum, pineapple juice, orange juice and cranberry juice
D. overproof rum, orange Curacao, orgeat syrup, lime juice and orange juice

8. Brush up on your Hawaiian vocabulary. The word `ôkole means:

A. Hawaiian cowboy
B. orifice, usually the anus
C. the potty or hole in a ground (not to be confused with anus)
D. fat chick (we’re talking orca fat chick)
(SEE PICTURE. THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS HAWAIIAN COWBOYS, BUT ARE THEY CALLED THE `ÔKOLE?)


II. Multiple Choice Questions about your Blogger:

9. I work in an office affectionately known as:
A. the Lava Pit
B. the Arm Pit
C. the Fish Bowl
D. the Toilet Bowl

10. During the 2008 all island, all night power outage, I stumbled around armed with:
A. a green glowstick
B. my trusty souvenir flashlight from Iolani Palace, complete with tassels
C. a sense of grace
D. a bottle of Malibu Rum, for posterity’s sake, obviously

11. On Christmas Day, I did all of the following activities except:
A. sunbathed in a bikini and elf hat and let tourists take pics of me
B. consumed no less than 12 poptarts, 1 solid milk chocolate Santa, and a jumbo bag of mini Hostess chocolate donuts (roughly 24-30)
C. did a digital Christmas morning present opening with the fam via web cam
D. sang the holiday favorite “Rocking Around the Christmas Tree” at a Japanese Karaoke bar

12. I caused a stir at the local farmer’s market at the base of Diamond Head by:
A. Mistaking a nut vendor’s infant son for a girl baby. Bad juju.
B. Stepping on a sleeping dog’s tail (barely) and causing it to yelp
C. Falling down an embankment, winding up with backside covered in mud
D. sampling a spicy shrimp free sample, and then involuntarily spat it out on the ground in a reflexive act of tastebud survival

13. On the two occasions I have attended a free hula class, I most resembled:

A. Pele, Hawaiian goddess of fire
B. Iolani Luahine, like, the best hula dancer of all time. Kinda a big deal
C. a badly wounded walrus
D. Trick question, I have never attempted to hula.
(SEE PICTURE CLUE IN CASE YOU WERE CONFUSED ABOUT THIS ONE)

Short Answers/Essays, if you must:

14. If your snarky blogger were a stereotypical symbol of Hawaii (such as a palm tree), she would be _________________.

15. If you yourself were a stereotypical symbol of Hawaii (such as a palm tree) you would be _________________. (Not so easy to turn the knife on yourself, is it?)

Bonus Question: See last picture in blog. This is a legitimate Hawaiian idol. Fill in the blank…

“I am the ___________ god.”

New Year's Eve: Kicking it Law School

I count myself lucky that I made it to Jimmy’s totally swanky New Year’s Eve par-tay alive. My flight from Honolulu to Minneapolis was uneventful. But, after I get on the plane at the Minneapolis airport, (a metropolis of fat pallid pasty slow-moving people), the doors close, and the cabin immediately smells like burnt popcorn. The pilot’s butterscotch smooth voice comes over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, seems we’re having some engine trouble here, we’re getting our inspector in here right now.” Right, engine trouble. Because it’s not as if we’re flying into a snowstorm (oh yeah, December 31^st, 2008 - Boston gets whomped with snow).

To be fair the engine inspector shows up fairly quickly. The “inspector” is wearing an orange vest and a mullet, and he’s carrying a big wrench that looks like a stage prop (no, I am not joking, not one iota), and he starts yukking it up with the pilot and rummaging around, making noise, banging stuff, and generally alarming the first class customers. In about 90 seconds or less (it look me longer to get a plain chicken sandwich at BK in the airport), he clears the plane for take off, and I think to myself that some man in an orange ugly vest and a mullet has elevated me and the other passengers to a segment on that night’s news: Engine-trouble ridden plane goes down in Northeaster. Airline asks, what went wrong?

Obviously, the plane makes it. Whatever, don’t make a big deal about it. I know you were concerned. Anyway, fast forward a few hours to New Year’s Eve par-tay at Jimmy Byrne’s place, possibly most chill party host ever. And now I will apologize, this blog is going to read as one big shout out because I missed my friends a lot and it was awesome to see them. Please be warned, this blog entry will not really serve as a dishy tell-all since I have to face all of you in March. For instance this blog won’t tell you who was the drunkest (Sandra) or who was the rowdiest (Becca) or who had the best cleavage (Anna) or the worst outfit on the night (me, pink bra showing through black sweater). So try to pretend like you’re interested in reading:

First, you should know that I always make it a point to travel in style, so I roll up to the event with the ICBU (Irish Car Bomb Unit), a man on each arm, both of whom are equipped with Guinness, Baileys, and Jamison. Okay, so my man, Aaron is on one arm, and then House, Aaron’s best friend is on the other.

A word about House. Man-tastic! He and Aaron go way back, GW college roommates, Ultimate Frisbee teammates. I like to listen to them talk because usually their stories start off something like this:

“Do you remember the time I passed out by the Washington Monuments…”

“Oh man, remember when Big Ben dutch-ovened Little Ben…”

“Hey, you remember our last Body Shots party? When I got hepatitis from the girl’s team…”

Not only does House carry around all the booze for the ICBU, but he comes to the party with a breathalyzer that serves as a fun party trick. He even wears a collared shirt. I love House. House is hilarious.

Upon arriving and assessing all fingers and toes for frostbite, I throw myself upon Sandra to congratulate her and Mike. On one hand, it’s totally baller that the most attractive and normal, functioning couple we know is engaged. But then I begin to worry. Oh, god, now they’re adults. Next comes the beige Volvo and remarks like “well, um, actually it’s going to be a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that.” My worry quickly dissipates as Mike is the first to join House and Aaron in doing an Irish Car Bomb and Sandra, according to House, blows the highest BAC of the night. Okay, so not quite adults yet and that’s a good thing. Whew. But seriously guys, congrats! Way to “ring” in the New Year. I had to, okay? Melissa did it first.

Then I get to maul the luscious ladies of law school: Anna and Melissa!!! Both are looking svelte and sexy. I can’t say anything snarky about them. Otherwise, they’ll beat the crap out of me when they come visit in less than two months (!!). So instead, I’ll pick on their boyfriends. Okay, no real picking on Melissa’s man candy Jimmy or his friend Ben. They’re both hilarious, Ben wore the best tie (1 of 2 on the evening) and Jimmy was our party host, so off limits. That leaves Jeff, Anna’s man pastry. Oh man, apparently, Jeff got New Year’s mixed up with Halloween and came dressed as the campaign manager for John McCain. It’s okay, we had lots of love for the young Republican.

Next up: Jason and Michelle. They’re the newest couple of our friends so they do everything together: Knocking back Irish car bombs. Canoodling on the couch. Sucking at Taboo. Ba-zing! Just kidding, Michelle. We all know who is awful at Taboo. Jason was famously unable to come up with “Jesus Christ” after we gave him the clues: “he was crucified on a cross. He died for our sins. Is also the son of God.”

But wait, who is that goddess chugging champagne from the bottle? Becca! This lovely blond angel is one of Melissa’s roomies from college and she is legendary for many reasons, but for me, Becca is god-like because of our first meeting. She proudly informed that she had consumed liquor she’d found on the T. That may even trump Aaron eating from a bag of chips on the T. It’s too close to call. Becca renews her deity status by trying eat some of Melissa’s cleavage. It’s fine, they’re roommates. They go way back.

Finally there’s Aaron. I’m kinda afraid to take a shot him, so I’ll just say the following two things. First: In response to accusations by the Young Republican, Aaron in fact did several car bombs himself. Second: Yes, he wore a shirt with a pink heart on it, but it also had a zombie on it and yes, he wore jeans that actually “contained” all of his sexiness (much to my disappointment, but probably to the relief of everyone else).

So yes, that was New Years. Intimate, sloppy, champagne-drenched house party full of stories and good times.

On a final note, I also heard that our party hosts, Melissa and Jimmy were gracious enough to finish off all of the remaining champagne after all had departed as part of the no bottle left behind, no party host left standing program. Good work guys!

Happy New Year! Stay tuned for my first annual blogger trivia contest!