Mele Kalikimaka!

Mele Kalikimaka, as they say on the island. This is going to be a short post. It is impossible to be snarky about Christmas in Waikiki. Even if their idea of Santa is a tan barefoot surfer dude who hangs with little brown elves. Waikiki decks out its palm trees in lights and adds extra flames. I don’t know who told Waikiki Christmas is about burning flames, but somebody clearly did. Turn the wrong way and you could ignite yourself.

This morning I set the alarm for 6 am to do virtual Christmas via the webcam with the fam. I watched them open presents while they watched me surreptitiously stuff my face with chocolate fudge poptarts and frosted Hostess chocolate donuts. This was lovely, the internet/web cam technology is a beautiful thing. But then it was time to get down to business. Despite having eaten enough sugar to send the hardiest of pancreases into shock, I slipped on my bikini and lathered myself up with sunscreen and Maui Baby. Maui Baby is the super secret tanning lotion of the islanders (actually, it’s a ridiculous touristy item sold every three feet, but this is how they advertise it). I like it because it smells like chocolate nuts. It’s made from Kona and macadamia nut oil. I’ve actually seen an improvement. The partner who kept asking if I was ill has stopped. I’m not tan, but I’m at least passing for non-tourist at this point.

Mom and Dad sent me an elf hat and in the vein of the movie, “The Christmas Story” triple dog dared me to wear it down to the beach, so of course I did. And then I stopped in front of the Duke statute to wave at Mom on the public web cam. This was all in good fun until people started asking to take pictures with me. As one Kentucky woman cooed over me, “youuuuuuu are just the cutest little Christmas elf eva. Cute as a button. Earl, come over here and take our picture.” Then this Japanese couple wanted one too. This did wonders for my self-esteem, I was getting more photo play than the Duke statute. Eventually, I excused myself, found some beach front property, and baked in the sun for several hours. Later, I returned to the beach and took some sunset pictures. Admittedly, it was a bit of an unorthodox way to spend Christmas, but I highly recommend it.

PS. I have no idea what those little round bunnies are under the tree. But they sure are creepy with their fixed, vacant expressions.

As always, space is limited, more pics are on facebook. Happy Holidays!